Finding My Way
by Jennbear
Summary: Lus has graduated college and is unsure where her life will lead. Using the compass to help her "find her way". PLEASE REVIEW!
1. Taking Off

**Taking off**

Where are you headed?" Cate asked for the millionth time. I really wish she would just stop asking. I dont know where I'm headed, just anywhere but here.

" I just need some space Cate, I'll come back." Truth was I didn't want to come back. With college over and a new chapter of my life beginning all I wanted to do was just get away and think. I needed to thing about things with Tasha and Jones, I needed to think about where my life was headed, where I wanted to start applying for jobs, to figure out where I wanted to live, to figure out my life; a life that seemed like it was going a million miles an hour and all I needed was for it to slow down so I could catch my breath.

Cate just stood there looking at me with tears in her eyes, "Well I put road maps of every state up to the eastern time zone in the pocket behind the drivers seat, theres $50 extra cash in the glove box, my AAA card, a box filled with paper towels, tissues, laundry detergent, quarters, jumper cables, snacks,..." I turned around to look at my packed car as Cate finished her list.

"Lux,..." I was still off in my own little world when she started calling my name "LUX!"

"What?" I questioned, "Why dont you make one final sweep of your room? Just to be sure you have everything you're going to need." Cate was so insistent that I be prepared for everything, I turned around and ran back to the house.

I stood in my room a room that seemed almost seemed foreign to me now 8 years later, from when I first moved in with Cate. I carefully looked around, slightly wondering what else could possibly be in this room that I would want to take with me. I opened my dresser drawer and I spotted it, the now tattered little red box they gave me from him so long ago that I placed in the drawer a few weeks ago when I got home from college. I took the compass out of the box, turning it over in my hand, remembering how many times within the last 6 years I often looked to it for literal direction with my life. He had changed my life, he changed me, in more ways than I could ever have imagined.

"You still think about him don't you?" Cate replied. I hadn't even heard her come in the room and sit on the bed.

With a heavy sigh I replied "Yes, I wish I didn't but I still do. He helped me, and taught me so much." with a tear falling down my cheek I continue "I Love him" With a sad smile I look at her. With an expression on her face that I can't read, she informs me "You know if your still wanting to get on the Road before Baze comes home you better get going now." I nod, placing the compass into my pocket knowing that I'll be needing alot of it's direction on this trip.

We walk down to the car, once at the curb I turn to Cate and hug her goodbye. It isn't till we pull away that she speaks again.

"You know Lux your an adult now" I nod wondering where this is going. Cate sighs heavily and continues "Your choices are just that. Your choices. While Baze and I continue to help you and encourage you to make the right decisions ultimately they are your's to make." Cate's words continue to confuse me and I nod again. With another hug she lets me get in the car. She pauses before closing the door "I Love you Lux, Please be careful and call to check in every now and again." With a nod she closes the door. The last thing she says before I pull away is" I hope you find what your looking for out there" with a small smile I reply "I hope so too."


	2. Driving

**Driving:**

I've been driving for almost a week now and I still have no more clarity than when I started this stupid trip. Oddly enough I feel like this stupid cliché, I graduated top of my class with a degree in Physics, I had numerous job offers, but I still didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, I didn't know what was missing. I had Cate, Baze, Ryan, Fern, Jamie, Alice. I have a family and here I am running away from them. I did this trip to try to find myself, to figure out why I always feel like a part of me is missing and I still don't have any insight into it. Sitting on the car hood I look at the map currently in my lap that has "X's" placed on all the places I've seen so far, the towns I visited, monuments that didn't impress me. Looking up I look out on the vast hills and mountain sides that are in front of me as a heard of wild horses run by below me. There so beautiful and free. They know what they want, they know where the're going.

I've called Cate every day since I left to check in. To let her know that I'm ok and that she doesn't need to worry about me. After a few minutes of looking around I turn my attention back to the map and my compass, "Alright, where do I go from here?" wondering out loud, the compass needle turns as I turn it. I follow where the arrow is pointing. " Minnesota". Looking back at the compass I wonder out loud "Are you sure?" Knowing full well that the compass can't speak I ponder the possibilities of Minnesota, I ponder the possibilities of him. As my mind drifts to think of Eric I wonder what he's doing, who he's become, where he is, but most of all I wonder if he's moved on. Taking out my phone I find his name, "Minnesota" I sigh, the name, the word has always brought me a sense of safety and comfort.

I want to call him. I want to hit "Dial" but I stop myself. The possibilities that could come out of this would be wrong. Cate and Baze they would be so angry if they found out, if I went to see him. The last words Cate said to me before I left ring resound in my head "Your choices are just that. Your choices. While Baze and I continue to help you and encourage you to make the right decisions ultimately they are yours to make." Cate was right. I'm an adult now and I can make my own choices. Looking at my phone I search for a nearby hotel, in a town called 'Regent, ND'.

After Driving for 30 mins, I walk into the Super 8, it's cheap and rundown but I'm not planning on staying long. I need to figure out a plan. I need to figure out my plan in Minnesota. I need to figure out where I'm headed, afterall the state is pretty large.

I walk up to the hotel counter and to talk to the desk guy. He's a scrawny guy who looks to be as old as gramps, " I need a room for 1 night please" I say.

He gives me a questioning look, "You're not from around here are ya young lady?"

"No, just passing through" I say smiling responding back to him as I hand him my credit card.

"Alright, well you be safe now. Miss Milly's dinner across the way has some fine cooking if you're looking for some good eatin', and I recommend you not stay out late at night. The young hoodlum's in the town like to drive a little crazy after dark." He informs me with a 'fatherly' like tone.

I thank him for the information as he hands my card back to me and hands me the key to my room. I gather my stuff and head out in search of the room. Three doors down on the left I find it. Opening the door and stepping inside I take notice of the digs I'm staying in for the night. There's a small desk along the front window with a double bed in the center of the room, there's a nice size bathroom on the other side of the bed with a large tub. After all the driving I've done the last week a nice soak does sound good right now.

I close the door behind me sitting my stuff on the bed, I walk into the bathroom, plug the tub and turn on the hot water. I unpack my computer and sit it on the desk, opening it and connecting to the internet I open a people finder. I type in "Eric Allister Daniels" with over 500 results showing up I sigh dejectedly, this will have to wait. I walk back into the bathroom turning the water off. A long soak will do me good. Stripping down I step into the tub, the water burns my skin as I begin to settle into it. It feels good, the water relieves the stress that I've been feeling lately. I don't know how long it's been since I fell asleep in the water but it's now cold. Reaching forward I pull out the tub stop and turn the shower on. I shower quickly and get out and wrap myself in the dingy motel towels.

Throwing on sweat pants and a t-shirt I sit back down at the computer. There are so many results for Minnesota's name. The chances of me finding him are slim. Finally I close my computer, an I reach into my backpack. I pull the map out of Minnesota and look at it. "The state is so damn big" I sigh. Fate. Fate will have to decide if I will find him. I reach for the compass in my jacket pocket on the back of the chair. Sitting it on the desk I follow the needle to where it's pointing, Minneapolis. The compass has decided that's where I'm going. My phone starts buzzing from the bed, I walk over and pick it up. The message is from Baze – 'Don't forget to get the oil changed in the car every 3,000 to 5,000 miles. Be safe kid, Love Baze'

"Shit! I forgot about the oil" I say to the motel room. After all the driving I've been doing I did forget about changing it. Recalling what the odometer read before I got out of the car and subtracting the math in my head I come up with 3,980 miles. I open my computer back up looking for an oil changing place in Minneapolis. I'll change it when I get there, besides what's another 600 miles or so? I map out the route I'm going to have to take tomorrow, 8 and ½ hours to get to Minnesota? "8 and half hours?" I exclaim. Well after having spent a week in the car so far I guess 8.5 hours more isn't so bad. Folding the map and putting it away, with a plan to wake up at 4 so that I can leave by 5. With my plan mapped out I climb into bed, hoping that I will find what I'm looking for soon.


	3. Finding Minnesota

**Finding Minnesota:**

I'm exhausted and tired by the time I pull into the Jiffy Lube. I've been driving for the last 9 hours, the trip was supposed to only take 8 and half but my last food stop took longer than I thought to complete. I pull my keys from the ignition, grab my purse and head in.

"Hi I need the oil changed in my car." I tell the kid at the desk. He looks at me over his thick glasses and questions "Which car is your's ma'am?"

I point at my car, "The blue Nissan Altima". I hand him my keys and he points to the waiting area. I walk over to the customer lounge and sit down. I must have fallen asleep because I wake up to feeling someone pulling on my purse, "Eeyore" a little voice starts repeating, "Eeyore". I open my eyes and I see a little blonde hair blue eyed boy about 5 years old tugging on my purse. "Eeyore" he exclaims again pointing at the Eeyore key chain attached to my purse.

"Michael Daniel's you stop that right now!" A tall blonde woman is running over to me. She grabs the little boy and picks him up and scolds him, "You apologize right now! You know better than to do that!"

The little boy looks down and in a quiet voice complies to his mother's wishes "I'm sorry." He's so cute and adorable that I forgive him on the spot, after all he is just a kid.

"It's alright buddy" I say standing up shuffling his hair with my hand.

The woman puts the little boy down and extends her hand to me, "Hello, I'm Allison. It's nice to meet you. I'm sorry about my son, he's so much like his father, always finding trouble."

Hearing her explanation causes me to chuckle, "It's ok he didn't cause me any harm. I'm Lux by the way" I explain shaking her hand in return. I glance over at her son now playing with the toys on the floor before continuing on, "Your son is adorable by the way. Not many Kids these days know about Eeyore anymore."

"His father is a big Winnie the Pooh nut. Michael has every book. So Lux is an interesting name, I've never heard it before."

Everyone says that, "Yea, everyone says that. I was given that name by a nurse soon after I was born. Blonde haired kid born to 2 black haired parents" I point to my head of blonde hair.

"Ah" Allison chuckles. " I can relate" pointing to her own head of red hair. "My parents were both black heads too." We both laugh a little more then look down at Michael who has fallen asleep on the floor.

"He's so cute" I can't take my eyes off this little boy, he reminds me so much of someone I can't put my finger on.

"He's adorable and he knows it. He has everyone wrapped around his little fingers the second they meet him."

"Ms. Cassidy, can I speak to you about your car?" The kid from the front desk interrupts our conversation.

Standing up, "Yes of course". I follow him over to the counter. The kid start's talking about tires or something when I hear the door to the entrance ding, I hear HIS voice and my heart starts beating fast. It's him, he's here.

"Hey! How's everything with the car?" I see him walk up to Allison, put's his arm around her shoulder and kisses her cheek. "How's Michael?"

"He's passed out" she responds as she points to the sleeping boy on the floor.

"Ms. Cassidy" I hear my name being called, "MS. CASSIDY" I remember the front desk kid standing in front of me. "Ye….Yes?"

"Ms. Cassidy your car is done but you should beware that you will need tires soon. Within 7,000 miles or so." He hands me the packet of information with the bill.

Handing him my credit card I turn my head slightly back to where Eric and Allison are engrossed in a conversation that I can't hear. I feel a stab in my heart. He has moved on, he's married, he has a son. That's who the little boy looked like, he looked like him. He looks happy, he looks…. He looks amazing. He smiles at something she says and laughs. I feel the tears building and my heart breaking all over again just as it did 6 years ago.

"MS. CASSIDY!" The young kid yells and I whip my head back to the desk, "Here's your card. Sign here and you can go." I quickly scribble my name down, grab my keys and mumble "thanks". I turn around and find him looking at me from his seat next to Allison with confusion and pain written all over his face, his mouth opens and his voice cracks "Lux".


	4. Acceptance

**Hey Everyone- I know this chapter is A LOT Shorter than the other's but I promise I'm working on something good. I really just needed to post this little chapter. I'm going to try to post 1 chapter a week and in the end of December at least 2-3 a week! PLEASE REVIEW AND COMMENT! THANKS!**

**Finding My Way- Acceptance**

With a stronger voice he stands, "Lux? What are you doing here?" and questions.

His beautiful blonde hair and blue eyes like the ocean are looking at me with curiosity and with more questions in them than I can answer right now. In my head my thought was just to get here. Just to see him, I didn't have a plan after that. I didn't play the 'what if' game in my head. What if he'd moved on? What if he was married? What if he didn't live here anymore?- well clearly I didn't consider this one but that seems irrelevant now that he's standing in front of me right now. With all of these thoughts and words that I can't process right now I don't know what to do, I don't know how to respond to him, I don't know how to answer his questions.

I want to tell him I came here for him; I want to tell him that in the past 6 years I thought about him every day, that I still love him, that I want his help.

I look him in the eyes and open my mouth to speak and I can't find my voice, I can't respond to his question and I close it again.

"Lux, are you ok?" Allison ask's. Eric looks at her as if she's grown 2 heads. "You know Lux?"

They continue on with their discussion excluding me for the moment and for that I'm thankful. I need to process whats going on here. He's married. I say it in my head again, he's married. I feel as if a knife is being thrusted into my heart. I want to break down right here, I want to run away but I can't, I came here for this. I came here for him. I pull myself out of my world to hear them.

"Yes, Michael was pulling on her Eeyore key chain earlier" as she points my purse. He looks back at me says "Eeyore" in a quiet voice. I look in his eyes and I can see all of the conflicted emotions of 6 years ago rising to the surface and are now being displayed in his eyes. I hold up my key chain attached to my purse and simply say in a quiet voice "Eeyore."

Were staring at each other for several moments before his wife, god I can't get used to saying that, his WIFE Allison pulls us out of our staring contest, "How do you two know each other?" looking back and forth between us.

Eric starts to open his mouth and so do I, and for the first time I can answer a question "We met in Portland. A Lifetime ago" and with as much courage as I can must I turn to Eric "You have a beautiful family, It was nice seeing you again." I smile, turn towards the door and walk.

I can't turn around, I won't turn around. I keep repeating to myself, knowing that if I don't I'm going to betray myself and do it anyway. I reach the door and open it, I look back and he's holding a sleeping little boy in his arms looking at me. In his eyes I see the same sadness in them 6 years ago when he was forced to walk away from me because Cate and Baze wouldn't allow it. I turn back to the door and continue walking out knowing that whatever I was looking for from Eric Allister Daniels is no longer possible.


	5. Home to Minnesota

Finding My Way- Home to Minnesota (Eric's POV Story)

**This story is told from Eric's POV, I've had things going on in my head of what's been going on with Eric the last 6 years and I think everyone should see both sides of the characters for the story. In the show they never mentioned what his brother's name, or if they did I never caught it but if you know it please let me know, but I arbitrarily gave him one. His brother's name is William Reginald Daniels for the sake of my story. As ALWAYS, Please read and REVIEW!**

Leaving her was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but I knew I had to do what was best for her. I had to tell Math about what was happening between me and Lux. I had to blow it up; I didn't want to be a monster like her foster dad. I know Lux may never understand that, but the guilt, the guilt was eating me alive. I only knew her for a short time but the love I felt was stronger than anything I'd ever known. When I told Math he listened, he understood, he didn't judge. After I left he kept me apprised of what was going on with her. "Eric man, you really need to just let it go. If Baze found out I was talking to you he'd kill me" Math told me often during the two years after I left, but I couldn't. I couldn't just let it go. I needed to make sure that everything was ok, that she was ok.

After leaving Portland I moved back home. Home to Minnesota, home to a place that I left in the beginning to get away from; funny I left Minnesota to go to Portland for a new start, a new beginning and here I am going back to the same place I wanted to get away from.

I needed to keep busy, I told myself that every day. The busier I am the less time I have to stop and think about her. I got another job working in a high school back home soon after I moved back, but every time I saw a blonde girl wearing a knit cap my heart would sink remembering her. I kept that job for about a year before deciding that it just wasn't where my heart was. Truth was my heart was back in Portland, back with a girl who had it the first time I saw her working at that bar.

I re-enrolled in the University of Minnesota, I decided that by getting my masters it would help me keep my mind busy. As the years rolled by I kept my mind as distracted as I could, I got a new job teaching at the University while working on a novel, I found myself helping my father and brother on the family farm more and more. With my dad growing older it's falling on my brother Will and I to take care of the farm.

Will and I have spent every weekend on the farm together since I've returned home. Fixing fences, repairing the tractors, and just camping out underneath a blanket of the stars, we have been inseparable. As much as I hate to admit, being home has been good for me. It's helped my healing process; it's helped me to move on.

It took me almost a year after I left to finally go on a date again, to finally let myself begin to see other women. After a few dates that went nowhere with women that I was less than impressed with, Will set me up with Allison, a girl we had spent most of our lives growing up together with. Her family owns the farm next to ours. Allison, Will and I all went to school together, we hung out together, went on camping trips and our families went on vacation together every year. She's a beautiful blonde hair blue eyed girl; she has the sweetest smile, and a wonderful desire to help others. After college she went on to nursing school and stayed local so she could be near her family at all times.

Allison is the one who helped me to get over Lux, though she never knew about her, she helped me to move on, she was a great friend. I had never wanted to tell anyone about what I had with Lux after I left Portland. Maybe I was afraid of what someone would say, or how they might react but I think most of all I just wanted to file the memories I had with her away so I didn't have to deal with the emotions that came flooding back every time I thought of her. Besides Math, the only other person I told about the relationship I had with Lux was Will. When we were camping in the mountains soon after I returned to Minnesota he asked me about what happened, and why I was back. I still remember the conversation as if it was yesterday:

_"So big brother, don't get me wrong about having you back home it's great having you here but why are you REALLY here" He gave me a long glance before turning back to the campfire he had just started, stirring the wood._

_"I didn't find what I was looking for" I say, taking a swig of my water before looking at the fire. _

_"What the hell's that supposed to mean? You moved out there so that you could get away from here. I believe your exact words were 'looking for inspiration'" He looks at me with a serious stare. "What happened?"_

_Thoughts of Lux fill my head, seeing her smile, kissing her soft lips, holding her in my arms, the thoughts of her cause me a small smile to form on my lips. _

_"What's her name?" Will asks from his position on the other side of the fire. Before I know what I'm saying her name escapes my lips "Lux." _

_"Well she must have really been something. What happened?" I don't know how to explain to him what happened, or where to even start. "She was one of my students, and…..and we got too close" I struggle to say, I close my eyes and look at the ground, knowing that I can't look him in the eye. Will responds to what I've just told him, "Wow." He's speechless; he's just as confused as I am._

_"I didn't know who she was when I first met her, I didn't know how old she was" I say in a quiet voice, beginning to tell the story of how Lux and I first met. "She was working in a bar, wearing a U of O t-shirt. I thought she was 22 at least." I look up from the fire and at Will. From his facial expression I can see that he's shocked and waiting for me to continue on "She also had an engagement ring on, she was talking about a guy she had been dating for years." I take a swig of my water and look back at the fire "We started talking about life and then before I knew it I was offering to take to see the ocean." _

_I stand up needing to escape the confines of the log I've been sitting on and begin to pace back and forth to finish my story "You know how great my truck is" I say with sarcasm "well it ran out of gas on the way and we ended up stranded on the side of the road finding a billboard of the ocean, and then before I knew it I kissed her." I look back at Will still sitting there looking at me "A few days later I see her at the school I had gotten a job at and I didn't know what to do. I tried talking to her, telling her that we couldn't see each other anymore, that it was wrong and that no matter what we had felt that night that I drove her to" I hold my hands up for 'quotes' "See the ocean, we couldn't act on it. I mean GOD she was 16!" I sigh and sit back down on the log across from Will. _

_ "Ok, she was 16, you didn't know that. As long as you didn't do anything else you were fine, why is it such a big deal? I know you invest all of your heart into something but there's no way you fell in love with her in 1 night big brother" Will states in response to my story so far looking at me. After a few moments he continues "You did stop didn't you Eric? You didn't continue the relationship from there did you?" After one look into my eyes he responds, "Oh God."_

_"I tried, I really did. I distanced myself from her but then her other English teacher stated that she needed a tutor, and that he couldn't do it and then I offered." I sigh " I figured it was the 1 way I could spend time with her without it being wrong! " I say remembering how I once told Lux the same thing._

_ "But the more I learned about her the more I was hooked, and the more I wanted to spend time with her. Her class went on this camping trip and I had to go as a chaperone. At one point during the night she had ventured away from the group not wanting to be around all the other kids, and I offered to teach her how to swim." _

_The memories of teacher her how to swim now fill my head, her smile as she finally figure out how to paddle, the feeling of her in my arm as I caught her when she slipped, the pressure of her lips on mine as we started making out in the water only to be interrupted by the breaking of a branch. "During the swimming lesson we ended making out in the water. I Know it was a stupid thing to do" I confess as I lift my eyes from the fire to look at Will "I fell in love with her so quickly and I couldn't stop it." I say before continuing on with the story of how Lux and I got together, "We both ended up hearing a snapping branch in the woods and bushes behind us and we stopped. We found out later that it was Lux's friend Tasha; she had seen us in the water. After that Tasha's apartment became our place for us to be together. We would hang out there to watch movies, meet outside of school, and have dates; since we couldn't be together like a normal couple" I say with a sigh. "I knew Lux had been through a lot of bad stuff before I met her, she was in and out of foster homes, had a learning disability and was having trouble in school. At one point Tasha ended up defending Lux against her previous foster dad's one night when he was trying to hurt Lux, and Lux was called to testify for Tasha at her trial." _

_I take a deep breath before continuing knowing I'm going to tell Will what that monster had done to her. "Lux was afraid to tell the truth about what happened, I told her that no matter what happened, no matter what she said that I would be there. I told her I Loved her." I stop and take a deep breath feeling guilty about what was to come next, "On the stand she admitted that her foster dad used to force her to do things with him. Sexual things. As soon as she admitted this I felt sick." I feel the bile rising up in my throat, "What made me any different from her foster dad? He was supposed to protect her, he was supposed to care for her, so was I, and here I was being with her. How am I any different than that monster?" I screamed, hot tears now flowing down my cheeks. _

_"After hearing what he did to her I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore. I couldn't do it. I know that I wasn't forcing her into anything and that she was there because she wanted to be, but I felt like a monster. I was her teacher, I was supposed to protect her" repeating the same things that Baze screamed at me the day he found out. "And here I was seeing her, I felt like I was taking advantage of her. I ended up confiding in Math, one of the other teachers, but he was also friends with Lux's parents, and the whole thing ended up blowing up. Her parents told me to leave town and never contact her again." I wipe the tears from my eyes with my shirt sleeve, "I never got to say goodbye. I never got to tell her why I had to stop it." Sighing loudly, "God she probably hates me."_

_"You're not a monster. From the sounds of it you both were at fault." Will says, I can always count on him for an honest view on things, "You both went too far. She should have said how old she was, and you're at fault for not asking her. Dude she was WEARING ANOTHER MAN'S ENGAGEMENT RING" He emphasizes, "Why do you go and kiss her? She belonged to someone else!"_

_"I Don't know" I answer solemnly, "I felt something for her and I just acted on it." Looking at my water bottle wishing it was something else at this point._

_"You both could have and should have stopped it, but you're not a monster, and you can't beat yourself up about it. It happened and it's over with. You didn't force her to do anything; you can't undo what her foster dad did to her." Will has always been a voice of reason for him and in this moment I'm thankful for his ear. "Her parents did the right thing though. They have to protect her, no matter your intentions they have to try to protect her and making you leave was the best thing. If she's as great and as smart as you think she is then one day she will understand." _

_Hearing his words make my throat burn, the bile again rising in my throat as it had done many months before. Once I found out what he had done to her every time I looked at myself in the mirror I threw up, I couldn't stand knowing that I was a monster too. I bolt from my spot on the log and run over to the nearest tree, sobbing as I empty the contents of my stomach all over its base. _

_"STOP! Don't do this to yourself! You are NOT a Monster Eric!" Will is now standing next to me yelling at me. "You are not a freak. You made a mistake! You need to move past this, what you are always telling me, 'Every bad choice you make is a learning experience, so learn from your mistakes to make better ones'". Damn him, I hate when he uses my own words against me. _

_I stand back from the tree, all of the contents of my stomach are now gone. I walk back to the campfire picking up the water bottle I had tossed to the side as I ran to the tree. Taking a swig I look at him, "When the hell did you get so smart?"_

_"When I got back from Shanghai" Will says chuckling. I laugh with him, it feels good to laugh. "You still got that box? I could use a nice vacation and some good noodles right now."_

_Will surprises me as he pull's me into a hug, "You're not a monster big brother, any girl would be lucky to have you." _

After that night, after telling Will what happened between Lux and I, I no longer felt as bad as I used to. I used that as a stepping stone, as a point to move forward from. I would no longer blame myself for what had happened between Lux and I, I would no longer feel like a monster, and most importantly I would ALWAYS ask a girl how old she was before going out with her.

Allison's wedding dress made her look breath taking. Watching her walk down the aisle with her father, almost took my breath away, surrounded by 200 friends and family she became a 'Daniels'. Less than a year later she made the announcement, she was pregnant, and we would have a new member of the family soon. Nine months later Michael Allen Daniels was born.

These past four years have flown by, most of my time being split between my apartment in Minneapolis, the farm, and my family. Sitting at my desk working on my book I look up at the clock on the wall to see that its past 3 o' clock. "Crap I told Allison that I would meet her," her car has been giving her issues lately and I told her that I didn't have time to look at it and she should just take it into the shop.

I walk into the Jiffy Lube, and she's in the customer waiting area. There's only one other person in the store and it's a blonde haired woman talking to the kid at the desk. I walk over to her, throw my arm around her shoulders, and kiss her cheek, "Hey! How's everything with the car?"

"Good, Good. There just checking the fluids and changing the oil now" Allison smiles. I was worried about her bringing Michael here; he's so easily distracted and runs off. "How's Michael?" Allison points to the floor. Following her finger with my eyes I see my little buddy passed out on the floor.

Allison and I continue looking at Michael, he's adorable and I'm so lucky to have him in my life. "He snores" Allie says, "Just like his father". I laugh at her comment "His uncle and grandfather snore too! It's a family thing." We both laugh, and I check my watch. "I wonder how much longer the car is going to take."

"Well they just took it back…." Whatever Allison was saying is lost we hear the kid at the front desk yell "!" Hearing that name I whip my around to see if it's really her. She's standing at the counter; it's her, and she's really here. Everything from the past 6 years completely fades and suddenly I'm transported back in time 6 years to see her standing behind a bar slicing limes. I quickly draw my attention back to the present, she's looking at me, and I open my mouth wanting to shout something, anything. I open my mouth and I say the only thing I can, "Lux."

There she is, standing in front of me as beautiful as ever. I stand up "Lux? What are you doing here?" I'm so shocked to see her here. Why is she in Minnesota? Did she come to see me? I feel as though my heart is going to stop if she doesn't answer me soon.

The next voice I hear isn't Lux's but rather Allison's, "Lux, are you ok?" I turn my head to Allison, "How do you two know each other?" I look back and forth between them quickly wanting answers. I'm so confused, how do they know each other? When did they meet? Did I just step into the twilight zone or something?

"Yes, Michael was pulling on her Eeyore key chain earlier" Allison says pointing at Lux's purse. I look at Lux, remembering the nickname I gave her the first night we met. "Eeyore" I say quietly, she remembers, with the key chain on her purse I now know that she too still thinks of me. Why else would she have an Eeyore keychain with her? After all these years that simple keychain on her purse says more than any amount of words right now.

Allison's voice pulls me out of my head, "How do you two know each other?" I never told her about Lux, I never told her about the girl that I fell in love with and had to leave back in Portland. Deciding that it's best not to tell the truth, I open my mouth willing a lie to come forth. Before I can Lux lets me off the hook, "We met in Portland. A Lifetime ago," and before I can say anything Lux continues "You have a beautiful family. It was nice seeing you again." and with that she turns and walks away. My brain is frozen, I want to stop her, I want to tell her not to go but my brain can't function right now. I'm watching her walk away as Allison hand's Michael to me, "Can you hold him? I want to check on the car." I take him into my arms; Michael wraps his little arms around my neck and rests his head on my shoulder. I look back towards the door and as I see Lux stop, she stopped at looked at me with her eyes so filled with sadness, my heart stops as she turns and walks out the door.

My head is screaming at me to go after her but my legs feel like they are suddenly filled with lead. Something inside of me screams 'THIS IS YOUR CHANCE' and then I'm running after her, turning my head briefly to shout to Allison, "I'll be right back" I run out of the Jiffy Lube, Michael still in my arms and currently being woken up from being shaken and jostled due to my running. I see her getting into her car and I shout, "LUX!"

She stops in her movement and looks at me; she has tears running down her face. I run across the parking lot, "Lux wait," She's half standing in her car as I approach her. "Lux what are you doing here? Why are you in Minnesota?" I need to know, I need to know if she's here for me. My heart is beating so fast I think it's going to explode out of my chest.

She looks up at me with tears in her eyes and answers me, "I came here to see you." When I hear those words my heart stops and I swear I'm going to drop Michael. Looking down at him I tightening my hold on him, he's smiling up at me, I look at Lux and say the only thing I can "Meet me tonight."

Allison's voice penetrates our conversation, "Eric, the car is done. Time to go" I'm annoyed at her interruption to our conversation, "Alright. We'll be right there." I turn my head back to Lux, confusion evident all over her face, I repeat my earlier statement, "Meet me tonight."

With a quiet voice she looks at me and says, "Yes." My heart starts beating so quickly, I'm sure Michael can feel it.

Allison's voice booms across the parking lot again interrupting us, "Eric, I really need to get to my meeting" I curse myself knowing that I need to go too. I told her that I would drop Michael off at my parents house for the weekend, I look back to Lux, "Text me with where you're staying. I'll meet you there, Say around 7?" Lux nods 'yes' and with that I turn around and head across the parking lot towards Allison. Tonight might be a bad idea but it needs to happen.


	6. The Meeting

Finding My Way-

His words are still echoing in my head, "Meet me tonight." As much as I want to meet with him, as much as I want to see him I know that this is wrong. He has a wife, and a son. I take a deep breath sipping my coffee, 'I really shouldn't be doing this' I say to myself. What did I expect when I came out here? To find Eric Daniels still pining for me? Is that why I came out here? My phone buzzes jarring me from my thoughts; My heart skips a beat when I see it's a text from him. 'Eeyore, I'm free now if you want to meet.' NOW? He wants to meet NOW? I scream inside my head, I never even made it to find a hotel. I've been sitting in this coffee shop I found since I left him. Looking at my watch I notice that I've been here for almost 2 hours and it's almost 6.

I don't know how to respond to his message, how do I tell him I haven't gotten around to any of that stuff because I zoned out for the last 2 hours.

"Is this seat taken?" a voice penetrates into my thoughts; I look up and find Eric Daniels staring back at me, indicating to the seat next to me.

"N… no" I stutter, god why is it so hard for me to find my voice right now. Eric sits down next to me and I feel like my heart is going to beat straight out of my chest. How did he know I was here, how did he find me? There are so many things that I want to say to him but I can't seem to find my voice to speak to him.

"Lux? Lux are you ok?" Eric asks, reaching his hand across the table to touch mine. I pull back from the contact as the voice inside my head beams again, 'This is wrong. Don't do it.'

"I…. I'm fine" I stutter out. Taking a deep breath I try to speak again, "I'm just lost in my own little world right now. How did you find me?" I ask, I want to know how he knew where I was.

"I wasn't looking," he says chuckling. "My apartment is right around the corner; I come here often to get coffee which is what I was doing when I saw you sitting here in the corner. Typically this is my thinking spot" lifting his coffee he takes a sip. It's been so long since I've seen Eric but even now his voice, his movements, everything he does captures my attention and fascinates me.

"Ah," is all I can muster nodding my head at his explanation.

"So Eeyore, I know it's earlier than 7, but are you hungry? Do you want to grab some dinner?" He asks softly, looking me in the eyes.

There are so many reasons that we shouldn't be spending time together but right now all I want to do is be with Eric Daniels. "I just got your text a few minutes before you got here. I haven't found a hotel to stay at yet. I've kind of zoned out for the last two hours." I tell him honestly.

"Well we can grab something and go back to my place," He suggests, "it's right around the corner, it's close."

Before I can stop myself I hear myself replying, "Yes" picking up my trash and my purse I stand up motioning for him, "Lead the way Minnesota."

"Alright," he says getting up himself, "So what do you think for food? There's a really good pizza place 2 doors down and Chinese place about a block west of here." Walking to the door he gets their first opening it and motioning to me to go through, I feel myself looking at him and smiling for the first time since I got here. "It's nice to see you smile," he leans in and whispers into my ear as I pass him. His voice sends shivers back up my spine, "Pizza's fine" I whisper at back looking at him.

Once outside the coffee shop I let Eric lead us to the Chinese restaurant, "Cho Chens, best Chinese food in town!" He said enthusiastically stopping in front of the entrance, once again opening the door for me. Walking up to the counter his hand brushes against mine and I feel like I was just shocked by electricity. I quickly shove my hands into my pockets and he turns to look at me. His eyes show so much sadness, 'is he upset that I pulled away from him? I don't understand how he is not happy, he has everything, he has a beautiful wife and cute son.'

His voice interrupts my thoughts, "Let's order and head back to my place, the forecast is calling for rain and everyone seems to forget how to drive as soon as the roads get wet around here." We tell the woman behind the counter what we want and make our way over to one of the tables nearby to wait for our food.

"So how long are you in town for?" Eric asks as we sit down.

"I don't know," I sigh "I haven't really thought about it and it's not like I'm on a dead line. I decided to take a road trip after graduation to clear my mind, and I was hoping that it would help me make some decisions, and help me decide where I want to be with my life." I tell him honestly.

"And you decided to go to Minnesota?" He asks giving me a questioning glare.

"No not originally," I scoff, "I drove around for almost a week before I decided to come here."

"Oh." He replies, "What made you decide to come here?" He looks at me intently waiting for an answer.

I'm unsure of how to respond to him but I hardly think that this is the place to have this discussion, "Why don't we talk about this back at your place," I point to the lady at the counter holding up the bag of our food, "It's dinner time."

Grabbing the food we walk the short half block to the old brick building that houses his apartment, pushing the button for the Elevator we ride it up to the 5th floor.

Opening the door he lets me walk in first, the apartment is small, much smaller than I thought it was going to be. Walking through the entrance hallway I notice that I pass a small bathroom and his bedroom before I'm in the living room and Kitchen. I turn my head around a few times to make sure I haven't missed anything. 'There's only 1 bedroom? Not much room for a family.' The apartment reminds me kinda like Baze's place in the fact that there's a wooden island in the kitchen with bar stools. The building looks old like an old warehouse that's been converted into an apartment building. The wooden floors creak under my feet as I look around taking in Eric's apartment as he puts the food on the counter. He his big brown plush couches that look like they would swallow me whole. The back wall of the apartment has a nice balcony that overlooks the city, there's a big flat screen TV next to the balcony doors that lead out onto the small porch. On the left wall, opposite the kitchenette, I see a wall of pictures. There all pictures of his life, there's pictures of him throughout various stages of his life. I chuckle seeing the picture of a younger Eric sitting in a man's lap on a tractor.

"That's my dad and I; I was about 4 when that was taken." He says indicating to the picture I was looking at. I've never seen this side of Eric Daniels, I never got to go into his apartment before, I never got to see these kinds of things. "I always wanted to learn to drive the tractor when I was little and my dad would tell me that I was too small, I think I bothered him every day for about a month till he finally put me up there in his lap." Eric's memories make me smile, imagining a younger version of him running around a farm begging to go on the tractor. My mind immediately goes back to Michael, and how much he looks like the little boy in the picture.

"He looks like you," I say softly. He turns his head to me and gives me a questioning glare. "Michael, he looks just like you," I look into his eyes and whisper, "He has your eyes". We stand there starting into each other's eyes for several moments before either one of us speaks.

"Why did you come here?" Eric ask's again, picking up on our dropped conversation from earlier. Turning to stand in front of me he raises his hand up to the side of my face stroking my cheek, I feel electricity surge through my body. "Don't get me wrong, I've very happy to see you but how did you find me?" he says whispering, his eyes searching mine for answers.

"I didn't," I say softly looking back into his eyes, pulling the compass out of my pocket bringing it up between the 2 of us. We both look down to see the needle pointing clearly at him, "I asked it to help me find my way and it led me to you." We both look up from the compass and into each other's eyes, I see the same thing in his eyes that I saw the night he took me to see the ocean, he leans down to me and whispers, "I still love you Lux" as his lips capture mine.


	7. The 500lb Gorilla

Finding My Way- The 500lb Gorilla

Kissing him feels so right, his lips make mine feel like there on fire. I bring my arms up and wrap them around his neck bringing him closer to me. His body responds to mine, wrapping his arms around my back pulling my body into his. His words, 'I still love you Lux' keep repeating in my head. He still loves me, and thinks about me, and right now that's all that matters to me. It feels so good to have him this close, to be able to kiss him without there being anything wrong about it, without there being any barriers that would make it 'illegal', without anything to stop us. My final thought brings me back to reality as I begin to pull away from him, were both breathing heavily as we bring our foreheads to rest against each other.

"We shouldn't be doing this," I say with a sigh, "This is wrong Eric, really wrong" I pull away from him and walk over to the balcony doors looking out the glass doors to the city. I can't look at him right now; I can't believe we just did what we did. I never thought Eric Daniels would be the type of guy to betray his wife, and I never thought I would help him do it. I look at his reflection in the glass, he's leaning on the counter with his head in hands, he still looks like the same Eric I once knew, he's still the guy I feel in love with all those years ago only difference now is that he's married.

He looks up from his hands and sees me staring at him through his reflection with a sadness in his voice he speaks, "If you think this is wrong, then why did you come here?" he's asking me a question I don't know how to answer, 'because you still love him' my head screams at me and he needs to know that.

"Because of you," I say softly, "because I wanted to see you, because I've missed you." I turn around to look at him, "Because for the last 6 years the first thought on my mind when I woke up every morning was you, and the last thought in my mind before I went to bed was you." My voice now rising, as the anger that I've also been holding for the last 6 years escapes, "Because every time I got an A on an English paper the first person I wanted to tell was you! Every time I didn't understand something, or I needed help the first person I wanted to go to was you, because no matter what was going on with my life for the past 6 years my mind has always gone back to YOU." Taking a deep breath, I don't know where all of this is coming from, and I probably shouldn't have said it all to him right now but he needs to know, lowering my voice I then add, "Because I still love you too."

Eric straightens himself from his position at the counter and begins to walk towards me stopping a few feet away waving his hands around as he speaks, "If that's what you think, If that's what you feel then why is this wrong?" anger rising in his voice. I can't believe he's asking me this question! How can he NOT see how wrong this is? "Why is what we're doing wrong Lux? You're not 16 anymore and I'm not your tutor." I make eye contact with him for the first time since the kiss. He's so angry and his eyes reflect that, but inside I also see so much sadness. "Lux, nothing is stopping us. Nothing is stopping us from wanting to be together now." Eric says softly, all of his anger seems to have vanished in his last statement.

I close my eyes absorbing what he's saying, what we're doing, what we've done, it feels so right just like it used to; but also just like then what we were doing is wrong. A ringing interrupts my thoughts; I open my eyes to see Eric going over to the counter to answer his phone.

"Hey Will" he answers cheerfully. Who's Will? Not wanting to interrupt his conversation I walk back over to the photo wall and begin looking at pictures. I'm trying to ignore the conversation that's going on behind me when my eyes fall on a picture of him in a tux with Alison and another man all standing together. The guys have their arms wrapped around her and their making a funny face. The picture makes me smile instead of feeling sad inside. I guess he's really happy with her, or at least that's what this picture shows.

I move my eyes onto another picture when his voice comes through my thoughts "I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it out tonight man, something's come up" I hear him tell 'Will', 'yea I'm that something' I say to myself. "No, nothing like that it's just something that I need to deal with. I dropped Michael off at Mom and dad's earlier." 'Well that explains who Will is, it must be his brother.' The thought occurs to me. Turning my attention back to the wall, the next picture my eyes land on is a black and white photo of Eric holding a 'burrito'; the picture was taking on the day of Michael's birth. He looks like a natural holding him, just like he did today in the parking lot, he looks proud. A wave of guilt falls over me, as I say to myself "I shouldn't be here I going to mess things up for him. I don't want to break up his family." Reaching my hand out I touch the picture of him and Michael, as tears start to slip down my cheeks.

I feel his hand on my shoulder, "Lux" his voice softly penetrates my thoughts. "Lux what's wrong?" Oh god how can he seriously not know? I open my mouth to speak but I find myself choking on my words, I need to point out the 500lb gorilla in the room, I lift the picture off the wall and turn around, handing it to him. "This, This is what's wrong."


	8. Appearances Aren't Always What They Seem

**Sorry this update has taken awhile! I've been super busy and recently REALLY sick. Hopefully you will like this chapter! So Read, Enjoy and REVIEW! **

Finding My Way- Appearances Aren't Always What They Seem

Eric looks down at the picture lifting his hand up to the picture tracing Michael's face and then looks at me, "That's what this is about? Michael?" he questions me softly. Looking back down at the picture he begins tracing again, "The day he was born was the happiest day I've had since returning back to Minnesota" gently he removes the picture from my hand and sits down on the couch still looking intently at the picture. I move over to where he's sat wanting to hear the rest of the story he's about to tell.

"Allison was in labor for 14 hours that day, she drove Will and I both nuts with all her screaming and crushing our hands when contractions hit." He says as a smile forms on his face as he begins telling the story of Michael's birth, his smile on his face lights up the room and for the first time I start to regret coming here to see him.

At that moment my phone begins to vibrate, pulling it out of my pocket I feel a sense of Dread rising up in me when I see who's calling, "Ummm, is there some where I can take this?" I ask him pointing to the phone.

"Yea of course," Standing up he leads me into the bedroom and closes the door. I take a deep breath and I sit down on the bed, not really wanting to deal with the person on the other line but knowing I can't avoid talking to her I answer the phone.

"Hi Tasha," I say as cheerfully as I can muster. All the while my head is screaming at me that I shouldn't have answered the phone.

"Hey Lux, I stopped by Cate's today and she said that you were on a road trip?" I roll my eyes at her half statement slash question, 'yea I'm on a road trip I left over a week ago!' my head wants to scream at her. Why on earth is she calling me? To talk about Jones? I don't care about her and Jones's latest relationship development, in fact they annoy the hell out of me.

"Yes, I left a while ago." I tell her, I don't want to tell her where I am she'd judge me for being here, for coming to see him, just like she had judged me back when we were actually dating.

"Oh, well I have awesome news dude that's why I'm calling. Jones proposed!" I hold the phone away from my ear as her shrieks penetrate into my ears. 'God I didn't need this too today!' Mustering up as much happiness in my voice that I can I respond to her ridiculous engagement announcement.

"Wow Tash! That's awesome! I'm so happy for you!" I roll my eyes as soon as the words leave my mouth. Their whole relationship wouldn't bother me so much if they hadn't went behind my back, betrayed me, and snuck around like a bunch of jerks.

"I know! It's so awesome! You have to let me know when you're back in town so that we can go wedding dress shopping!"

"Will do" lying through my teeth, I'll tell her anything at this point to get her off the phone, "I'll talk to you later, Congrats!" I hang up the phone as soon as I hear her say "See ya", I look at my phone squeezing it in my hands I wish that I could crush it with my bare hands. I close my eyes and take a deep breath; I need to deal with Eric right now, not Tasha I remind myself. Standing up from the bed I walk around Eric's bedroom, I need to distract my mind for a few minutes before going back out there to face him. It's a cute little bedroom that looks a lot like the rest of his apartment, wood flooring, brick walls, and a brown bed. There are book cases along one wall, a desk in the corner, and two night stands on either side of his bed; it's a very simple room. I walk over to the night stand next to his bed and pick up the book laying on it, "The outsiders" I say chuckling to myself. I remember him trying to teach me the point and the plot of this book. I'm just about to put it down when I notice something sticking out of the book, 'must be a book mark', I open the book to where the bookmark is and I about drop the book. The 'bookmark' that Eric's been using is actually a picture, a picture of the two of us taken at the wedding that we crashed on our first date.

A knock on the door draws me out of my thoughts "Lux are you alright in there?" He opens the door before I have time to put the book down or respond to him. He looks at my hands and sees that I'm holding the book and the picture, "Ah, I see you found the picture." Walking over to me he lifts the books and the picture out of my hands, "I use it as my book mark" he says solemnly.

I'm confused, why does he have a picture of us? He told me to destroy mine when we were dating so that no one would know what was going on. "Why do you still have that?" I question him, I want to know why he has a picture of us, he was so adamant that I destroy my copy all those years ago that he kept his?

"I couldn't get rid of it. I couldn't destroy the only picture I had of you, of us. After I left Portland I found myself looking at this before I went to bed every night. I would lay in bed for hours looking at it only to close my eyes and still see your smile" he says softly, "For months after I came back I dodged the questions as to why I left Portland, why I was back here and I couldn't truthfully answer any of them. I couldn't tell my family the real truth as to why I left, so I lied. I told them that the job wasn't what I expected, the people weren't what I thought they'd be, and living in Portland wasn't what I thought it was going to be like. I thought it was fitting using the picture as a bookmark for this book," placing the book and picture back onto his nightstand he takes my hands into his and looks at me, "Lux, you told me that you came back here for me, you told me that you still love me, but yet when I get close to you, you tell me that it's wrong. Why? Why is it wrong? Are you worried about Cate and Baze? Are you worried about me rejecting you? About it not working out? What? What is it? I need you to tell me because I don't know if my heart can take this not working out again."

His words cause a sting my heart, I squeeze his hands remembering the warmth that I feel in them, it is then in that instant that I notice that his hands are warm, oddly warm. I look down at them turning them each over in my hands.

Eric starts chuckling at my actions, "Lux….Lux what are you doing? What are you looking for?"

I look at him in complete disbelief, "A Wedding band. I was looking for your wedding band."

"WHAT?" Eric screams at me, he quickly withdraws his hands from mine. "Why on earth would I be wearing a wedding band?" The words he's saying are making my head spin. I'm so confused, what about Allison and Michael? If there not his family then who's are they? My head feels like its running a million miles an hour, I reach my hand back to find the bed to sit down and I miss. Eric quickly shoots his arms out and guides me onto the bed to prevent me from falling. After I'm situated on the bed Eric sits down next to me and speaks.

"Lux why did you think I was married?" He asks softly. 'Because of Allison and Michael' my head screams in response.

I look at him trying to find my voice, "Then who are Allison and Michael?" I managed to whisper to him.

I see his entire face and demeanor change when he finally realizes what I've been under the assumption of all along. "OHHHH! You thought? She was? He's my?" Eric begins laughing uncontrollably. Anger builds inside of me, how can he think this is funny? I'm been tearing myself apart for the past several hours trying to figure out what to do about seeing him and begin with him. How dare he laugh at me! I reach over and push him, to which Eric Daniels lands on the floor with a loud *THUD*.

"Hey what was that for?" He's still laughing as he realizes that I just pushed him. I'm still not finding this funny.

"How dare you find this funny?" I scream at him, "For the last few hours do you have any, ANY Idea of how freaked out I've been? Thinking you were married, that you were cheating on your WIFE with ME! That Michael is your son and that I'm breaking up your FAMILY! Do you have ANY idea as to how guilty and upset I've felt? Well? Do you?" And with that the damn broke, I let all of the guilt and anger out from the last few hours that has been plaguing me and I've left a very confused Eric Daniels staring up at me from his position from the floor.

Eric looks at me for several minutes, probably allowing me to calm down, before he speaks again. "Yes Lux. Yes I do know how you feel, It's same way I felt about you Lux." He says softly, getting onto his knees and crawling over to me to where he's kneeling in front of me. He takes a deep breath, "Lux, they are my family. Allison and Michael they are my family, but Allison is not my wife. She's my sister in law, and Michael, Michael is my nephew. My little brother Will, they belong to him. Allison is his wife, and Michael is his son." Taking a few breaths I let his words sink in, 'He's not married! He's NOT married! HE'S NOT MARRIED! YES!' my head screams at me. I don't have anything to feel guilty about, what we're doing isn't wrong. It's ok to be here, it's ok to kiss him. That was all the convincing I need, I reach my hands around his neck and pull his lips to mine.

"Lux, no" Putting his hands on my shoulders he stops me inches from his face. "Lux, we need to talk."


	9. Conception of Thoughts

**Alright everyone, I do want you to know that I HAVE NOT abanonded my stories. I'm just SO busy with school, I'm a PSU student and with my work load and after having lost our beloved JoePa 2 months ago, it's been a REALLY hard ride. I WILL continue writing, however I do want all my reader's to know that I will not be updating my stories until the term is over. If I'm lucky I'll hammer out a chapter here and there but the odds of that happening are very doubtful. I WILL have the story updated again by the end of may, ( there's another author on here who will kick my butt if I don't update so I will!) so until then I leave you with this. ENJOY!**

'We need to talk' my mind kept repeating those words over and over again. Why did we need to talk? What needed to be said right now that couldn't wait. One of Eric's hands moves from my shoulder to my face.

Looking me in the eyes he speaks, "Lux, I want to kiss you. Trust me I do, but I don't want the two of us getting into something without first talking." Running his hands down my arm's to grab my hands, "We seem to always have an issue about talking between the two of us, and we jump to conclusions and assumptions that get us into trouble. Let's talk," Eric rises off the bed smiling and pulls me up. "But first, let's go eat our cold Chinese food."

We sit together eating in what can only be described as the most awkward silence, both of us afraid to say anything. I looked up from him several times to say something but I kept closing my mouth and turning my head back towards my lo mein. Pushing it around a few times with my chopsticks Eric breaks the silence.

"If you're trying to make sure it's dead I assure you it is" he says chuckling; looking up at him I can't help but smile too.

"Dead? I think you're mistaking me for someone who eats animals," I reply to him smiling. I'm so happy that he was the one to break the silence. Putting down my chopsticks I get up from the counter taking my glass of water with me and walk over to the patio doors, looking out at the city around us.

Looking at the city lights and the people below makes me lose myself in the memories of the past 6 years. It takes me back to senior year, my graduation party on the roof of Baze's, dancing and singing with my friends. How happy I was, and yet I felt like something was missing, he was missing; it takes me back to standing on the balcony of my apartment drinking my tears away after running into Jones and Tasha in the hallway and how happy they were to be together, inviting me out to some party to tag along with them and feel more like a third wheel than an actual friend.

I don't know how long I've been standing there looking out the window lost in my memories before I sense Eric beside me.

"Penny for your thoughts?" He asks me softly, turning to him I offer him a small smile before replying.

"Trust me, they're not worth a penny."

"Well I told you that we need to talk, didn't I?" he asks rhetorically, " This might be a good place to start." Reaching his hand up and tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear before placing his palm on my cheek, "Tell me what's going on inside your head."

With everything that's been going on inside of my head I'm almost afraid of telling him about what's going on inside my head, I'm afraid to tell him how I feel, to tell him that Cate and Baze don't know I'm here, to tell him that after 6 years he's still the one person that can get through to me. That can make me feel special, after being apart for 6 years I'm still in love with him. I look into his eye's, reaching my hand up grasping onto his. "Why don't we sit down and I'll tell you what's going on inside my head."


End file.
